CADE'S BIRTHDAY

Today our sweet Cade turned FIVE! It was a fun day full of lots of excitement. He was up around 7:00 wanting to open presents. You would have thought it was Christmas. He got a new Optimus Prime Transformer bike. Jon stayed up late the night before putting it together. Cade was so excited about it. Later that day we took him to Classic Skating. Cade got so many fun gifts from all his friends. Cade is lucky to have such great friends! Later that day Cade's primary teachers the Porter's came over to wish him a Happy Birthday. They are so wonderful and Cade just loves them! We love Cade so much he has brought so much Joy and Happiness to our lives. We are so blessed to have such a sweet, handsome, loving boy for our son. Happy Birthday Cade!!!!!

BABY OAKLEY IS HERE!!!

So today my little sister Mikelle had her baby girl. The name they chose is Oakley. Me my mom and Nikki were all able to be in the room when she was born. Me and Nikki were front and center while my mom stood to the side. Can I just say what an amazing thing birth is. It was such a spiritual experience and neat to share with my mom and sisters. Mikelle almost lost her life giving birth to her son Austin because of e-clampsia, but this time she had no complications. I am so proud of her she did so good!!! Thanks sis for letting me be a part of your little miracle!! This may be the closets I ever come to experiencing birth so I am grateful my sisters have shared their moments of child birth with me. I love them both so much. Don't worry Bro I love you too its just a girl thing!

Some of you may wonder, isn't it hard for me to watch that knowing it may never be me? The answerer is Yes it is kind of hard and sometimes I wish I could know what it is like to give birth. But My sadness has nothing to do with how happy I am for my sister. I have two little miracles tucked into bed peacefully sleeping. And after today I realized it is not so bad having them placed in your arms two days later all clean and beautiful feeling like a million bucks. Yes I wish I could have seen our boys be born but I get to watch them grow! I am so happy for my sister and her husband Cory. Congrats on your new baby girl I might have to steal her every now and then! Maybe even just a smell here and there. Love you guys, she is beautiful!

WHAT A BLESSING!

So I don't know what I have done to deserve such great friends and so much love and support. This whole blogging thing has been such a blessing to me. Really we are not as wonderful as you all think we are!! But it is so nice to have so much encouragement. Thank you all so much for your sweet comments it means so much to me. The past 5 months have been some of my hardest times especially when our IVF did not work. I am so grateful to all of you and for the strength you have given me to get through this. Who knew this is what blogging would bring to my life other than a new obsession. I hope someday I can return the the favor if ever needed. Honestly it is so amazing to me to see how many people really care. Jon and I thank you so much!!!!

HOME FOR SALE!!!

Well it is official our house is FOR SALE! Jon and I have made yet another HUGE decision and have put our home up for sale. Two years ago we built the home of our dreams. It isn't the biggest or the best out there but it is defiantly a nice home. We customized it to us and our needs and we absolutely love it.

So here is the reason why.......

Since our failed IVF we have felt so hopeless in our attempt to add another child to our family. We have looked at all of our options the few we do have and even if one felt right we have no money to pursue it. Over the past 7 years we have spent about $35,000.00 on trying to have a family. That is a lot of stinkin money. Not that you could even put a price on Cade and Jake . We would have spent what ever was needed to get our boys here. But our dilemma now is not wanting to go into dept any more than what it absolutely necessary. Jon and I have been so blessed to have been able to afford to adopt, do IVF and still have a beautiful home, trailer, descent cars etc. So now we are looking at another $13,000.00 to adopt and that's if we go through LDS and at least $20,000.00 for IVF. Again that is a lot of money and we have spent all we have in our savings and fear it will take us for ever to save enough for another child. And for us time is not a luxury.

So we are choosing a family over our beautiful home that we love so much. So really the decision was easy but not without sadness and tears. It doesn't seem fair to have to spend so much money on trying to have a family.......BUT it is worth every penny and then some. We also feel that it is a good time to down size since our family is still small and wont be growing any time soon.

To be honest for the first time since our IVF failed I feel HOPE again!!!!!! I feel that even though the decision to sell has been hard that we have some direction in what we should be doing right now. In the long run it will help us get into a better financial situation and ultimately give us the money we need to pursue our options for another child. I was at my grandmas house today and the kids wanted water with ice.....well she had to go to the freezer, get out the little ice trays and break out the ice instead of just pushing a button. It just made me think of how spoiled we are these days. We have way more now than my parents or grandparents ever imagined at our age. I never even had AC or swamp cooler until I was 18. We never went on fancy trips or lived in a huge home. But we had all we ever needed and we appreciated the things we had. I think we forget sometimes how blessed and lucky we are to have what we have. After all it is just a house and I would give it up in two seconds to have more children. I can take them with me, to the eternities!!!!! So if you know of anyone who is looking for a beautiful home send them our way!! Don't feel sad for us, like I said I feel hopeful of the future and what the Lord has in store for us!!! I feel more peace now than I have in a long time.

P.S. Don't forget to leave me your e-mail so I can invite you to view my blog....since I am going PRIVATE!

"THE TATTOO"

Well I knew that this might get some attention because I am so not that type! So here is the scoop..... I was 18 in beauty school and felt the urge to do something CRAZY! A tattoo seemed like a good idea. I told no one except for my friend from beauty school. She is the one who took me to get it. About two minutes into it and a lot of pain I had a thought that maybe this was not a good idea. But I couldn't change my mind at that point. What was I to do have half of a flower....that would not be cool. I did regret it shortly after I realized wow this is here for the rest of my life. Then I thought it was cool and I loved it. Now I wonder why I didn't do something less permanent. It is of a Daisy on the small of my back. It is actually kinda cute!(for an 18 year old) Now I am a mom and it is not so cute. Cade and Jake have both discovered it and think that it is a sticker. They try to peel it off all the time and will soon realize it is not a "STICKER"! But for now that's my story and I'm sticking to it. At least till there old enough to really want to know. Then I don't know what I will tell them???? I pray they never want one!!!

GREAT TALK.....THOUGHT I WOULD SHARE

So our good friend Dustin sent us this talk. He is in the YM with Jon and his wife Lauri and I worked in the primary together. Any way they are just great people and wonderful friends. Jon printed this out last night for me to read. I can't tell you the peace and comfort it gave me. I have been wondering why we have to endure such difficult trials and if our desires are good why doesn't the Lord bless us. This answered all of my questions and let me know once again how much the Lord loves us and wants to be here for us. We just need to trust him and have faith especially when life is hard. Thanks Dustin for sending me a tender mercy. It came at the perfect time!

Dennis E. Simmons, “But If Not …,” Ensign, May 2004, 73
Men accomplish marvelous things by trusting in the Lord and keeping His commandments—by exercising faith even when they don’t know how the Lord is shaping them.

As a young man, I returned home from an eighth-grade basketball tournament dejected, disappointed, and confused. I blurted out to my mother, “I don’t know why we lost—I had faith we’d win!”
I now realize that I did not then know what faith is.
Faith is not bravado, not just a wish, not just a hope. True faith is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ—confidence and trust in Jesus Christ that leads a person to follow Him.
Centuries ago, Daniel and his young associates were suddenly thrust from security into the world—a world foreign and intimidating. When Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to bow down and worship a golden image set up by the king, a furious Nebuchadnezzar told them that if they would not worship as commanded, they would immediately be cast into a burning fiery furnace. “And who is that God that shall deliver you out of my hands?”
The three young men quickly and confidently responded, “If it be so [if you cast us into the furnace], our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand.” That sounds like my eighth-grade kind of faith. But then they demonstrated that they fully understood what faith is. They continued, “But if not, … we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.” That is a statement of true faith.
They knew that they could trust God—even if things didn’t turn out the way they hoped. They knew that faith is more than mental assent, more than an acknowledgment that God lives. Faith is total trust in Him.
Faith is believing that although we do not understand all things, He does. Faith is knowing that although our power is limited, His is not. Faith in Jesus Christ consists of complete reliance on Him.
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego knew they could always rely on Him because they knew His plan, and they knew that He does not change. They knew, as we know, that mortality is not an accident of nature. It is a brief segment of the great plan of our loving Father in Heaven to make it possible for us, His sons and daughters, to achieve the same blessings He enjoys, if we are willing.
They knew, as we know, that in our premortal life, we were instructed by Him as to the purpose of mortality: “We will make an earth whereon these may dwell; And we will prove them herewith, to see if they will do all things whatsoever the Lord their God shall command them.”
So there we have it—it’s a test. The world is a testing place for mortal men and women. When we understand that it’s all a test, administered by our Heavenly Father, who wants us to trust in Him and to allow Him to help us, we can then see everything more clearly.
His work and His glory, He told us, is “to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man.” He has already achieved godhood. Now His only objective is to help us—to enable us to return to Him and be like Him and live His kind of life eternally.
Knowing all this, it was not difficult for those three young Hebrews to make their decision. They would follow God; they would exercise faith in Him. He would deliver them, but if not—and we know the rest of the story.
The Lord has given us agency, the right and the responsibility to decide. He tests us by allowing us to be challenged. He assures us that He will not suffer us to be tempted beyond our ability to withstand. But we must understand that great challenges make great men. We don’t seek tribulation, but if we respond in faith, the Lord strengthens us. The but if nots can become remarkable blessings.
The Apostle Paul learned this significant lesson and declared, after decades of dedicated missionary work, “We glory in tribulations … knowing that tribulation worketh patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope maketh not ashamed.”
He was assured by the Savior, “My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.”
Paul responded: “Most gladly therefore will I glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. … I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.” When Paul met his challenges the Lord’s way, his faith increased.
“By faith Abraham, when he was tried, offered up Isaac.” Abraham, because of his great faith, was promised posterity greater in number than the stars in the heavens, and that that posterity would come through Isaac. But Abraham immediately complied with the Lord’s command. God would keep His promise, but if not in the manner Abraham expected, he still trusted Him completely.
Men accomplish marvelous things by trusting in the Lord and keeping His commandments—by exercising faith even when they don’t know how the Lord is shaping them.
“By faith Moses … refused to be called the son of Pharaoh’s daughter;
“Choosing rather to suffer affliction with the people of God, than to enjoy the pleasures of sin for a season;
“Esteeming the reproach of Christ greater riches than the treasures in Egypt. …
“By faith he forsook Egypt, not fearing the wrath of the king. …
“By faith they passed through the Red sea as by dry land. …
“By faith the walls of Jericho fell down.”
Others “through faith subdued kingdoms, … obtained promises, stopped the mouths of lions,
“Quenched the violence of fire, escaped the edge of the sword, out of weakness were made strong, waxed valiant in fight.”
But in the midst of all those glorious outcomes hoped for and expected by the participants, there were always the but if nots:
“And others had trial of cruel mockings and scourgings, … bonds and imprisonment:
“They were stoned, they were sawn asunder, were tempted, were slain with the sword: they wandered about … being destitute, afflicted, tormented; …
“God having provided some better things for them through their sufferings, for without sufferings they could not be made perfect.”
Our scriptures and our history are replete with accounts of God’s great men and women who believed that He would deliver them, but if not, they demonstrated that they would trust and be true.
He has the power, but it’s our test.
What does the Lord expect of us with respect to our challenges? He expects us to do all we can do. He does the rest. Nephi said, “For we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do.”
We must have the same faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego.
Our God will deliver us from ridicule and persecution, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from sickness and disease, but if not … . He will deliver us from loneliness, depression, or fear, but if not. … Our God will deliver us from threats, accusations, and insecurity, but if not. … He will deliver us from death or impairment of loved ones, but if not, … we will trust in the Lord.
Our God will see that we receive justice and fairness, but if not. … He will make sure that we are loved and recognized, but if not. … We will receive a perfect companion and righteous and obedient children, but if not, … we will have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ, knowing that if we do all we can do, we will, in His time and in His way, be delivered and receive all that He has. I so testify in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Is that GREAT or what!!!!

I WILL MISS PRIMARY!

Well I was released from my calling on Sunday and I just wanted to do a little post about it for my sake. I have been the Primary Sec. for a year and a half now and I have loved it! I love the women I have been able to work with and all of the children I have been able to get to know. Most of all I have loved watching Cade in the primary and seeing him learn about the Gospel. He is such a good kid and loves to go to church. There is nothing better as a parent than to see your child's testimony grow. Jake loves the nursery and cried last week when we had to leave after Sacrament. Getting two crazy boys ready every morning all by my self while Jon is at meetings is not always easy. Not to mention all the things I need to have prepared. So this will be a nice break. I will be teaching the 12 year old Sunday School which I am so excited about. I am even more excited that I get to go to Relief Society. It has been a long time since I have been able to sit and listen to a lesson.

Any way I just wanted to let Laurie and Missy know that I am going to miss them. I have learned so much from each of them and feel blessed to have had the opportunity to get to know them better. Thanks for being such great examples to me I love you both!!!

SISTERHOOD OF SUPPORT "SOS"

Since I have been blogging our IVF process I have received so much feed back from tons of people who are going through their own struggles with infertility and adoption. So here is my great idea.....I have created a blog just for us! Or anyone else who feels they want to be a part of it. It is kind of a cheesy name but it is all I could come up with. Jon gave me the SOS idea and I thought it was kind of cute! What I need from you is your email address so I can invite you to be a part of this fabulous idea of mine. We will all be able to create our own posts to share with others. It can be a story, question that you want answered, or just somewhere to vent. Most of all it will be a "sisterhood" somewhere that we can make connections and make life-long friends. I have made some amazing friendships through our infertility process. They are all amazing women with different stories to tell. I love them all so much and don't know what I would do without them. I have posted a picture of some of them...sorry for those who are not in it. We can all do so much to help and uplift one another. For so many years I felt so alone and wondered if there was anyone out there who shared in our same sorrow. Since I have been able to help teach adoption education courses and opened myself up to share our experience I have met so many people in our same situation. My dear friend Addie and I were in the same adoption class and have stayed close friends through the years. We both have two adorable boys, each 6 months apart from each other. What a blessing it has been to have her by my side to be a listening ear and a shoulder to cry on. I cherish all of these women and their friendship. My hope for this blog is that you too can find that same support and friendship. Feel free to post pictures and anything else you would like to help us to know you better. So send me your email and lets make some connections.

Click here to visit S.O.S

JUST ONE MORE THING!

So I am finding each day brings new challenges as we try to move on. I have found that I have to completely change my thought process and every thing seems to remind me of what might have been. But I do have to say that having two kids makes this a lot easier! Life has to move on with two boys who need you and want you to be upbeat and fun. I know that time heals everything.

I also wanted to add just a few words for those who are thinking about IVF and have been watching our blog. Jon and I have no regrets. IVF has worked for so many people. And even though it didn't work for us it was an amazing process. There was nothing easy about it but I would do it again if that is what felt right. So don't give up just because it didn't work for us and just know that if you try and it doesn't work I am living proof you will survive!!!!

When you find yourself in situations like ours it is hard to understand why. I learned a long time ago not to ask why because for now there is not an answerer. But I do know I am a stronger person because of this trial. It is not easy for people like us who struggle with infertility. We quietly watch the world move on as we deal with the pain of not being able to have a family. We watch others around us have children and share in there joy while our heart aches. I remember feeling that it was not fare that others around me were being blessed with a family and here I was with still no children. It is a difficult time but you have to find a way to get through it and separate your sadness from other peoples joy. This was a huge accomplishment for me when I could finally be happy for others while still sad for us. I have lots of people in my life expecting babies and I could not be happier for them. But this was not always so easy for me. We have been married for almost ten years and we have spent nine of them working on our family. It has been hard but worth every tear and heart ache. Sitting waiting for a miracle to happen is not the way it works although it would be nice. You have to be willing to do what ever it takes if you truly want a family. It has not been easy putting ourselves in such vulnerable situations but it is what has brought us great blessings. We love our boys birth parents and there families and have embraced the wonderful experience of adoption. We did not know our ability to love was so huge. And even though we have moved on we think of our sweet Birth Mothers often and talk to our boys about them. I look at my boys and know without a doubt they were meant to be ours! All I ever wanted was to be a mom just like my mom. I thought it would be so easy. Getting them here has not been easy and raising them deffinetly is not easy! But I have such a love and apreciation for the opportunity I have to be a mother and raise my boys. There is nothing I would rather be doing in my life than chacing after Cade and Jake! They bring Jon and I so much Joy and we thank the Lord every day for the blessings they are to us.

So to all my infertil sisters out there don't give up! If you truly want a family do what ever it takes to have one. No matter how they get here they will bring you more joy than you ever thought possible!!!!!!!!

ARE WE LOVED OR WHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Flowers and goodies from all of our neighbors and friends. We love you all so much!

Just received these flowers from my BFF Jayme and her mom Ellen. Thank you so much I love you both!

Can I just say Jon and I feel like the most loved people on earth right now! A guy came to the door yesterday with a bouquet of flowers from my aunt and all my cousins. I had already been crying and when I answered the door I just started to cry even harder. The poor kid didn't know what to say but told me to have a good day. I thought there it not one good thing about today! But look at all this good from all of our friends and family. I can't believe how many comments, e-mails, and phone calls we have received. It has been overwhelming to feel the love and concern you all have for us. I think some times we hesitate to be open about things we might be going through. It is hard to show weakness but I am so glad that I decided to let you all into our lives and see us how we really are. Life is full of trials for all of us and if we could just realize how much we can do for one another if we will just open up. I really and truly can not tell you how much it has helped to have your love and prayers. If I hadn't opened up I would be sitting here in my misery wondering........doesn't any one care? But instead I feel this outpouring of love and sympathy from so many people. Even some old high school friends who found my blog. 11 years ago all I could think about is graduating and moving on with life. Never did I imagine I would face such difficult trials. But you grow up and realize that life is more than just about you and you make sacrifices. Jon and I will do what it takes to bring another baby into our family. We don't know what this all means for us yet but we will figure out the reason for our failed IVF. We are just going to take some time away from baby and focus on the two miracles we already have.

I thought the tears would stop but some how they just keep on flowing. I had high hopes I would get up and put some make-up on but its raining and I can't stop crying so what the point. We will move on but for right now I think I need a little time to like my friend Missy said "let my heart ache". Jon and I are so sad but feel the love of our Savior and realize all of his suffering. This life was not meant to be easy. I want to share a quote that my cousin Summer put on her blog after loosing a twin at 8 weeks Preg.

“Things don't go wrong and break your heart so you can become bitter and give up. They happen to break you down and build you up so you can be all that you were intended to be.”


I read this over and over because it hits home with me. I know that we will be stronger because of this. Last night Jon and I were looking at the picture of our embryos and talking about how much hope we had that they would take. I mentioned how sad it was that they never took and he said "yes but they made us stronger"! I will hold on to that knowledge for the rest of my life. And take with me what they have given me..... a new understanding of how much my Heavenly Father Loves me.

Thanks again for all your love, we couldn't get through this with out all of you!!!! This will be my last post about our IVF. We have come so far from our first post. I want to start moving on and blog about my sweet family. Enough about me I want to focus on others for a while! My boys are so much fun right now and are doing lots of great things. So no more sad and depressing posts I promise. Love You all so much!

OUR WORST FEAR!

Well our worst fear was confirmed today. The Dr. office called to confirm the pregnancy did not work. I am finally calm enough to sit and let you all know. I am surprisingly doing okay. I still feel so much peace and know that the Lord is aware of what we are going through. It is hard to understand sometimes why things don't go the way we want or hope they would.....but I struggled for years to know what my purpose was and if I could not have children why was I here. I knew what my purpose was the second I held sweet little Cade and then again when we got our Jakie. I was meant to be here for them and I finally knew what my purpose was. Don't get me wrong this is so devastating for us but I have learned not to doubt the Lords plan for me. The road to have a family has not been easy for us but it has brought amazing blessings into our lives. All the hope and peace we have felt is real and I know that if we stay strong the Lord will bless us with more children. Thanks to all of you for your love, prayers and everything else you have done to help us believe. I still believe and refuse to give up! I love you all and I am grateful for each one of you and the blessing you are in our lives. To my sweet mom and dad who are gone I love you more than words can say. I am okay because you have taught not to ever give up and to always have hope and faith in the Lord and my savior. For that I am so grateful. You are always telling me how strong I am and it is because of the two of you! And to Carla and Merrill thanks for raising such a good man with so much faith, love, and compasion. I couldn't ask for a better husband. Thanks also for your love and prayers and helping us through this. At times like this we have to remember our blessings and just like Jon's blessing last night said "never give up hope". Sorry for such sad news......but thank you again for all you have done.

Lots of Love,

Jon and Kim

JUST TO LET YOU KNOW

Well tomorrow is the big day. The last two weeks feel like two years to me. I have mixed feelings tonight about what we might hear tomorrow. I have been bleeding a lot today and I feel that I might being loosing one or both babies. Of coarse it is hard to know what this all means because it could be anything. IVF is so hard on your body and I think my body has had enough. Jon gave me a wonderful blessing tonight. In it he told me not to give up hope and that I could feel peace. So as hard as it is I am going to hope my heart out until the end. The wonderful thing is....is that I do feel peace even through all my fears of the worst and doubts that it is going to work. I still feel there is a chance and I am trying to have faith. But I know that some how some way if the answer we get tomorrow is not good that I will get through it. I am just ready to know one way or the other and move on with my life. My boys need there mom back. As much as I would love another child I am so grateful for the two I have. I have come to realize more than ever before how truly blessed I am to be the mom of Cade and Jake. I have also realized that it is not the pregnancy I long for but the baby. If this doesn't work it is not the loss of what it would be like to be pregnant but the loss of what it would mean to have another child. In a lot of ways pregnancy is not that appealing to me! Don't get me wrong I think it is a beautiful and miraculous thing but also very hard. I would love the opportunity to carry our child but more than anything I just want a family. I pray with all my heart the Lord will bless us. I am sorry I have dragged all of you through this roller coaster but.....Honestly.........I couldn't have done it without you. You have lifted me up and given me the courage to get through this. And my sweet sweet hubby who has showed me so much love and compassion and has never let me think for one second it wouldn't work. I love him more now than ever and I am grateful to have him by my side. My poor mom and dad are in Hawaii. Which is great for them.... but I know they are dying to know the out come and praying there guts out it works. Both of our families have been amazing. I don't mean to sound like it is over because it's not I just wanted to let you all in on what has been going on so you can continue to pray for us. I need your prayers! It is hard to feel so vulnerable and helpless but I trust in the Lord and his plan for us. Our appointment is at 10:00 but they won't call us until later with the results. We will let you know as soon as we find out. I love you all and thank you again for all you have done for me!!! I am holding on to all the hope and faith I have left and still feel there is a good chance it will all be okay. I also want to tell my sweet friend and her husband who just went through this process and found out her embryos were no good and has also been hyperstimulted which is a condition caused by all the meds. It is not very common but it does happen to about 1% of women who do IVF. We are thinking and praying for you.

Thanks again to all of you for your support...we will talk to you soon.

Love Kim

JUST WANTED TO FILL YOU ALL IN

Well it is still a roller coaster ride. I started spotting yesterday morning and completely freaked out. I also had some cramping. Today a little more of the same thing. So I finally called the doctor and the nurse told me this is completely normal. So for all of you who are doing this (Lynette) and those who are thinking about it. Remember this is normal. Most women who do IVF will spot during this time. The nurse said it could even be a really good thing cause it could mean implantation is happening. I thought it was early to be starting but you just freak out about every thing at this point. The nurse also said that you most likely won't have a period until you stop the progesterone. Unless of coarse you are pregnant you won't start for about 12 more months. That's what we are shooting for. One more week to go.....we can do this! Just thought you would all like to know. If not sorry for all the info!

THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!

Hey everyone what a cute post Jon did of our embryos. He was so excited about all the comments we got. I think now he knows why I am a little addicted to this. Well I am feeling better than I have in three weeks. I feel completely recovered from all the procedures I have had done. The egg retrieval was the worst and left me feeling really crappy for about a week. But now it is all over with and other than the progesterone injections I am done! Now the waiting game.....it hasn't been too bad cause the boys keep me busy.....but I am sure the closer it gets the harder it will be. Technically I am three weeks pregnant right now since the embryos grew for 6 days out side of me. But unless you do IVF you don't know fertilization has even happened. So now all that has to happen is implantation. This is where the embryo finds a nice little home in your uterine lining and starts to multiply. It is about the size of a poppy seed.....is that amazing or what! We feel very hopeful and we are staying positive. This is our one shot. By growing to day 5 we lost the rest of the embryos and don't have any to freeze. We knew this was a possibility but wanted to give us the best possible chance. We were a little disappointed but knew we had made the right decision. But I just want to take a minute and thank everyone for the phone calls, e-mails, prayers, comments on the blog, for putting our name in the temple, fasting, all those who gave me the wonderful blessing, and all the sweet gifts to help me get through this time, and most of all helping with my sweet boys. It has been hard on them and it has brought much comfort knowing they have been loved and taken care of. What a roller coaster ride! But really I couldn't have done it without you. And to my sweet hubby who has been right by my side in all of this.....he is truly the best husband I could ask for and shows me so much love and sympathy for what I have had to endure. I could go on and on about how much I love him and how grateful I am for all that he does for me. Thanks hun I love you soooooooooooooo much!

Ginger bought the boys a whole bunch of stuff to keep them busy. Their favorite thing has been the slip and slide. It is nice to just go out and be able to sit and watch them and not have to entertain them. Thanks Ginger it was so nice of you! Cade's cousin and BFF Sidnee came over to join in the fun. They are little buddies.

My sweet neighbor who has also gone through IVF and had the cutest boy and girl twins brought me a bag of her favorite things. I thought it was so sweet of her to think of me. She is now pregnant again with another little girl without any fertility!

Then my little sis and Carla brought me flowers. They are starting to die now but I wanted to take a picture and thank them any way. They were beautiful and every time I looked at them I felt hope and peace.

So I just want to say thank you I couldn't have done it without all your help and well wishes. So now all we can do is pray for a miracle....we will let you know the news in a couple of weeks.

The Embryos!!!

I'm substituting for Kim today because she's a little loopy right now and may be too detailed in her description of the implant process. I don't want her to wake up tomorrow not knowing what she typed in her blog. Anyway it all went good and here's a picture of the Embryo's that were implanted today. The left one is little more advanced, but the Doctor said both looked very good. Now it's a waiting game for two weeks until we go back and get the Confirmation that KIM'S PREGNANT!!!

This is my first and last blog post; it's been nice chatting with everybody. Later!
Jon

DAY 6 TRANSFER

What a roller coaster ride this whole process has been. The Dr. Called this morning and said that all the embryos are still alive and....he said there were still 13 so I must have misunderstood him the first time thinking he said 11. Anyway that means all that were fertilized are still alive....which is amazing! There are three that have separated themselves from the rest and look the strongest. By going to day 6 they will be able to determine which two out of those three are the very best to transfer. We were all ready to go this morning and we were surprised by what they said.....but we feel that we need to trust there opinion....after all they are the experts. So tomorrow at 12:30 FOR SURE we will do the transfer. Sorry to drang you through this whole process but pretty exciting stuff goin on!

DAY 5 TRANSFER!

Well we got the phone call this morning that 11 embryos are still growing. So we have decided to grow them to day 5. This is really exciting news and we are so happy. Four out of the 11 look a little stronger than the rest so hopefully at least those four will make it to day 5 so we will have some to freeze. But all we really need is two. I just can't believe how well everything is going. We have definitely seen the Lords hand in all of this. From the timing to being able to go to day 5. This will give us a 70% chance of conceiving. Considering a normal couple only has a 15% chance each month to get pregnant we feel pretty good with our 70%. So now we just need to pray that they will continue to grow and that it will work!