WHERE HAS THE TIME GONE?

Oh my goodness how does time pass so quickly? I made lots of promises to myself that I was going to keep up on this blog thing even just for my own keep sake. That is working out really well since my last post was over a year ago. Life is too short not to remember the great things we experience and if we don't record them it just quickly passes us by. This past year has been kind of a crazy one filled with lots of ups and downs. First of all my kids are getting so big. My baby turned THREE in June and I am still in denial that she will just keep growing. It breaks my heart that their little lives go so quickly. Since it is now November 2012 I am going to to a quick recap of the past year. I am going to start with......

CADE-

It is hard to believe Cade is 9 years old and in the third grade. He has always been my quite mellow kid but that is all starting to change. He has a LOT of attitude these days and it is killing me! :) He is very moody and never wants to do what I ask him too...lol. But he is the sweetest boy and I don't know what I would do with out him, attitude and all.

JAKE-

I am happy to say has turned a Conner :) He has always been a kid with LOTS of energy that I have never known what to do with. Now that he is in first grade and he can Chanel all that energy into school life is wonderful :) He has been doing so well and we are so proud of him. He even earned student of the month award. Jon and I were speechless. He is a fun kid and is always making up games and prizes to win for Cade and Lia. He brings so much joy into our family and I am so grateful he is mine!

LIA-

Our little peanut is three and is the most adorable thing in the world. She is such a lover and is constantly telling us how much she loves us. Her affection is much appreciated as the boys don't show a whole lot :) The difference between boys and girls right? There is not a day that goes by that I don't thank my Heavenly Father for her....or for all of them. Lia brought our family so much peace when she came into our lives. Even though I would love another child I am content knowing I have her.

Life is crazy sometimes and we have had our share of crazy this year. At the beginning of the years we found out that Jon's new insurance with J&J would cover %80 of IVF. This opened a huge door for us and we decided that some time this year we would try IVF again. It sounded so easy and we really felt like it was a blessing straight from heaven. Come to find out it would take months for me to finally muster up the courage to do it again. I knew I had to go into this prepared in every way to accept the out come what ever it may be. Of course if it resulted in a pregnancy I could totally accept that BUT what if it didn't? Was I prepared for that? We prayed, fasted, went to the temple, ready my scriptures and really tried to know if this was what we were meant to do. Was this what Heavenly Fatter wanted us to do? I wanted an answerer so badly but it never came. We finally felt that we had to act first and hope that as we went along the confirmations would come. So that is what we did we moved forward with our IVF. The Reproductive Care Center opended a new facility in Layton which was a blessing in it's self. We met with Dr. Swelstad and started our journey through another IVF cycle. All of my pre testing went great which I felt was a tender mercy and a sign that we were doing the right thing. To make a long story short I responded to the drugs really well and things went really smooth. We had 12 eggs, 9 fertilized normally, day 3 we had one Excellent and several more good and fair, day 5 all but two died, we transferred those two felling very hopeful. My uterine lining looked good and as far as we could tell there was no reason it wouldn't work. The weeks prior to this were hard. Pumping yourself full of hormones is not a fun thing to do. Jon was gone a couple of times too so I had to do the shots myself. One day I drove to the ER to have my mom do it cause I just couldn't that day. It is a lot to put your body through and on top of it all I was sick several times. But the hardest part out of it all is the two week wait to find out if it took. I can not even express with words the turmoil I was in. The day of transfer I came home and coughed all day long. So hard I threw up. Then I sobbed and sobbed because I was sure I had coughed our embryos right out. Thank goodness the embryologist assured me that was not possible and that my cough would not effect the result. I felt at peace and I knew that what ever the outcome was it was not up to me. The next 9 days were so hard for me. Just like last time I started to spot and just like last time I held on to every ounce of faith and hope I had left in me. The day before I went in for my blood draw I started to bleed and I knew it was over. My heart ached so much and all I could do was cry.  I did pretty well the next day after my blood draw results. By this time I was so spent I had nothing left in me. I think I was just done. So I put on a happy face and told myself we were going to move forward. That is all I know how to do. I was sick of crying and I was upset that I let myself believe it was possible. In 14 years of being married I have never been pregnant so why would it happen now? As I have tried to process this whole experience I still can't make sense of all of it. All I know is that I should be about 12 weeks pregnant right now and starting to show. That was such an exciting thought 4 months ago when we began our IVF process. Now I am left with a hole in my heart not knowing how or if it will ever be filled. It is so hard because we really thought this was an answerer to our prayers to add another child to our family. We can no longer adopt through LDS and any other agency is very very expensive. So here we are hoping and praying for another miracle. I don't even know how I could ask for more. The Lord has blessed me so much. I have three kids that I absolutely LOVE to pieces. But what do you do when you feel there is another one? That is what we get to figure out. I am just trying to have faith in the Lords plan for me. At times it is really hard but all I have to do is look at the three miracles I have and I am reminded of how much the Lord loves me and that he wants to bless me. The hard part is how, when, and in what way???? Those are questions that only he can answerer. For now I try not to think about what might have been and realize the wonderful blessings in my life now. Not an easy road to travel but one I would not trade for the world!!!! I know that my heartache is not in vain and that in one way or another Jon and I will be blessed for our efforts. It is a hard and lonely trial. The rest of the world moves forward while you are left with a sadness not many people can understand. I was never even pregnant but yet there is so much that goes into an IVF cycle it feels like you were and it feels like you have lost something. I would never call it a miscarriage because that is something I am grateful I have never experienced. But it is for sure a loss. It is almost upsetting to me that I am still upset :)...lol I should be able to handle this by now right? The answerer is no, it is never easy. I am just grateful I get to wrap my arms around my sweet little ones. How grateful I am to a Loving Heavenly Father and three amazing Birth Mothers who made us a family!!!! As hard as this is it will never be as hard as it was before them!!!

On the bright side of things we some how escaped a layoff at Jon's work .....whew!!!!! And we are entering my VERY favorite time of year and I am so excited for the holidays!!! I am also doing a 90 day health program with Jon that my sis-in-law Jen is doing for us. So far I am 3 weeks into it and loving it. I can already see some changes and I am excited about that. It feels nice to have control over one thing in my life :)

So heres to starting a couple New Years resolutions early :)

LIA TURNS TWO!!!!

I really can not believe that our little Lia turned two a couple of days ago. The last few days I have been watching her and I can't believe how big she is all of the sudden. She is talking a ton and is becoming her own little person. Sometimes I wonder what I have done to be so blessed. Lia has brought so much joy into all of our lives. Even the boys can't get enough of her. She really has the sweetest most loving personality and everyone who knows her loves her to pieces. People stop me everywhere I go and tell me what a cute little girl she is. Having a daughter has been so much fun. I LOVED buying her little baby dolls and barbies for her birthday. She is the cutest little mommy and LOVES to play with all of her dolls. It is so fun to see her with her brothers too. Cade and Lia are little buddies and love each other so much. Jake on the other hand just likes to make her scream :) It is funny how they like to pester their younger sibling. I look back at all that we went through before Lia and I am so humbled to know that Lia was the little person waiting to come to our family. I want her to stay little forever!!! I wish I could freez her right where she is and have more time to enjoy this stage of her life. I am not sure what life would be like without Lia and I am grateful everyday that she came to our family. Mom and Dad Love you so much Lia!!! Happy Birthday sweet girl!!!!

Our Life.......

It has been so long since I have blogged about anything but I am feeling the need to write down some of my thoughts. Life has been so busy for us lately and I feel like I need to take the time to slow down every now and then and record where we are at in our lives. A couple of weeks ago Jon was called into the Stake Presidents office. Our stake just split so he was pretty nervous about what it might be. He had talked himself out of thinking it was anything big but I knew it was going to be a big calling. I was right he was called to be the Young Men's Stake President......WHAT????? Yep that is right the STAKE Young Men's President. Jon just about fell off his chair and was completely shocked by it. He has had a few weeks to let it settle and even though we are both really overwhelmed by it we are getting use to the idea. He has been so busy with work and now with this calling I feel like he is going to be gone even more. I am realizing more and more why I felt so strong about quiting work. As much as I miss doing hair and seeing my friends Jon has needed me to hold down the fort. He is so good to me and even though he is so busy he still finds the time to help me around the house and takes time to spend with the kids. He is so amazing and I am so lucky to be his wife. I know there are great blessings that come from serving the Lord and I know this will be a good thing for us as a family. I know that we will learn and grow through this experience. Life is really good for us right now and we are enjoying every second of the summer. It has been hard to have the boys home because they fight all of the time but we are doing better than I thought we would. We got Cherry Hill passes this year with the Murdocks and we are having a great time playing in the sun. We are also in the middle of pouring LOTS of cement. We are pouring a RV pad, basket ball court, new patio and a pad for a shed. Jon won sales rep of the year and got a nice bonus so we are spending it on cement :) It looks so nice and we are excited to have it all done. Jon is also looking for a new job. He wants to stay in the same field but would like to find another company to work for. We are hoping something comes along soon. As for me I am just loving being a mom. Even though it is the hardest most challenging thing I have ever done I love every second I get to spend with my kids. They are growing up way too fast and I don't want to waste one second. I LOVE LOVE LOVE being a mom and I am grateful everyday for my three sweet, amazing kids. I feel so blessed to have them and I pray I can be the best mom possible!!!

SUMMER FUN!!!

We have had such a fun summer and I am so sad to see it come to an end. With Lia being a little older this year we tried to do as much camping as possible. We love our trailer and have so much fun spending time together as a family. For those of you who know me well you know how much I love to be on the go. I LOVE doing things as a family and I especially LOVE vacations. I wish every day could be a vacation and that Jon could retire and stay home with us all the time. Of coarse this is not reality so I enjoy every second of our time together!!! I am having kind of a mid life crises I guess you could say. I feel life is going by faster and faster the older I get and I hate it. I want to freeze my life, my kids, my marriage, my youth right where it is. So much of this life is filled with trials and struggles and I feel that my life could not be more perfect than it is right now. Jon and I are more in love now than ever and our kids for the most part are so much fun. My little Lia could not be cuter and I am enjoying every second of her sweet life. Cade and Jake are a little difficult cause they fight so much but they are also so much fun. I don't mind getting older cause life just gets better and better but I am not ready for it to pass me by and that is what I feel is happening. I guess all you can do is cherish every moment and I feel like I do!!!

So many things on my mind...it is time to blog!!!

Okay, so there has been a lot on my mind lately that I have wanted to blog about so here I am with a free moment!!!! :)

First of all Lia turned ONE which is really hard for me to believe!!!

This past year has been filled with nothing but BLISS with the addition of Lia. She has been the best baby and my little piece of sanity. Somehow the boys fighting, complaining, tearing the house apart and throwing fits all seems to dissapear as I hold and rock my sweet Lia. I know some day she will be part of all that but for right now she is perfect in every way!!! She has brought a sweet spirit into our home and I am grateful every day that I get to be her mommy!!!

In celebration of Lia turning one we had her Birth Mother Amanda over to our home. It was so good to see her again and she looked so happy and content with where he life is going. I still don't know how she had the strength to do what she did but we are so grateful for the miracle she has given our family. We have decided this will be the last time we will see Amanda and there is a lot of relief and sadness that comes with that. Sad cause I love her so much but relief knowing we are moving on. It is a pretty big responsility to keep all of our Birth Families involved in our kids' lives. I was already spent before Lia and didn't think I had what it took to take care of another Birth Family. Lia's situation has not been easy but here I am a year later and it has been an amazing experience.

We recently took the boys to see the play Annie Get Your Gun at RMT in Centerville. The reason we went was because Jake's Birth Mother's Brother Brian was in it. After the play we went up to say hi and he was so excited to see Jake. After talking for a minute we decided to go to his parents house and see Brittany (Jake's Birth Mother) and her parents. This was very last minute and not planned at all and the whole way there we were wondering what the heck we were doing. It ended up being such a wonderful night and it was so good to see all of them again. We have not seen them since Jake turned one so it has been a while. Brittany was as cute as ever and her and her family were so kind and respectful. As wonderful as it was to see them it opened a WHOLE can of worms with Cade. He was asking when he was going to be able to see his Birth Mother. I think it has been confusing for him this past year and all that we have been through with Lia's Birth Mother and now we were seeing Jake's Birth Mother. I spent the next day answereing questions and trying to put his mind at ease. My heart broke as tried to explain to my sweet boy how much I love him and that no one loves him more than I do. His reply was "my Birth Mother Loves me too".

He is so right his Birth Mother does love him but it is not possible for her to love him as much as I do. I am the one who has gotten up with him durring the night, watched him take his first steps, rushed him to the hospital to have stitches, wiped his bum, wiped his tears, sent him to school, taught him to ride a bike, put up with all his crap :), prayed for him, cried for him. the list goes on and on. For a moment it didn't seem fair that I would have to share my title of Mother with anyone else. I felt overwhelmed and upset that I had to deal with any of this. I have tried to prepare myself but I think it is impossible. Being a Mother is hard enough with out this huge resposibility of telling my kids of where they came from and why, especially when I don't feel they are any less mine than if I had given birth to them myself. At that moment I wished for that. I wished it had of been possible for me to bring my sweet kids into the world, to see them before they were born, to feel them move in my belly, to see them take their first breath, to cuddle them moments after Birth. Instead I have had to sit at home and wait paitently for a phone call or for a date of when placement will be, instead I have to explain to my kids why they didn't grow in my belly. For a minute I was bitter and wondered why this was bothering me so much. I have never once questioned that this was Gods plan for our family, I know my kids were always meant to be ours but all of the sudden I felt sad that I had to share them. I spent the day thinking about each of our kids and how we have been prepared to be in the right place at the right time for them to come into our lives. I couldn't help but think about all the amazing things i have been able to experience.....Holding my babies for the first time knowing how much I longed for them to be mine, the spirit I felt as their Birth Mothers lovingly placed them in my arms, the relationship I have had with these amazing women, the amazing love and gratitude I feel for each of my kids, taking our kids to the temple and being sealed to them, the tender, sweet moments spent talking to my kids about their Birth Mothers, and most of all the joy of being a MOTHER!!!! All though this journey is not easy each of these women have given us something we could not give ourselves, the blessing of an eternal family. After crying for a few hours my sadness was replaced with peace. I know my kids know how much I love them and that I will always be their Mother (the one who loves them the most). The easy thing would be not to tell them anything at all or to tell them all the things that would be harder about their life if their Birth Mother didn't place. But I love them too much. I am their Mother and it is my responsibilty to comfort them and help them know how much I love them and that "their Birth Mother loves them too"!!!! :) This is an easy thing to do, especially because I love their Birth Mothers so much. I feel blessed to have answers for my kids and that I can tell them from experience how hard it was for their Birth Mothers to place because I was there. In the end all I want is for my kids to know how much they are loved. It would break my heart into a million pieces if they ever thought other wise!!! Boy do I love my kiddos!!!!

I feel like the luckiest girl alive to be blessed with such amazing experiences in my life. My kids give my life meaning and purpose and I would go through it all again if it meant having my Cade, Jake and Lia!!!! It is a sad thing knowing you are done having kids. I have cherished every second of Lia's life knowing she is our last. Usually at this point we would be filling out paper work or planning to do IVF. It is a little strange after 10 years of trying to get kids here we don't have to worry about that anymore. It is a GREAT feeling. Jon and I will continue to send letters and pictures on Birthdays to our Birth Families but now that Lia is one we are moving forward. It is a great feeling to know that I have done all I can do for each of them. I have shared so much of our lives with them and a lot of times put them before myself. I will never regret all that I have done for them and I have been happy to do it. It has been important to me to see them heal and move forward with thier lives. We will always be grateful for what they have given us and who knows maybe someday our kids will want to meet them. But now we just get to be a family! Now I can focus on being the best mom possible to my kids and just ENJOY!!!! :)

Lia's is part of our Eternal Family!

Well I am not doing a very good job so far of keeping up on my blog but here is an update!!!

On the 16th of January we took our sweet little Lia to the Temple. Our day started out by going to Jon's cousin Laura's babies funeral. She lost her baby at 34 weeks and it was devastating. I can not tell you how much my heart ached for her and her sweet family when we heard the news. It was such a sweet funeral and I couldn't help but feel so grateful for the plan of salvation and that we can see our loved ones again. It gave me even more of an appreciation for being able to have Lia sealed to us. We left the funeral with heavy hearts but as we neared the Temple my heart was overflowing with JOY and EXCITEMENT for what was going to happen for our family. Temple workers were there waiting for us and they even let us take the kids to the cafeteria to get something to eat firs. As we walked trhoug the temple I kept telling the boys to look around and soak in everything they see. They were intrigued by all of it and were on their best behavior. After and quick lunch we dropped the kids off at the nursery and Jon and I went to do all of the paper work. After all of that was done we went to get ready. My mom was able to come with me to the brides room again and help me get ready. We chose the Bountiful Temple this time and it was BEAUTIFUL. It was so special to have my mom there with me one last time. Jon and I sat and waited in the celestial room and as we sat there Jon grabbed my hand and said "well Hun we made it"! It was overwhelming to think of all we had been through to get these sweet kids here and now we were in the temple having our last child sealed to us. It was an amazing feeling of accomplishment and gratitude. We both got tears in our eyes and we could not wait to see our kids all dressed in white. After a few minutes a worker came and got us and we went to the sealing room. It was so neat to walk in and see so many of our family and friends there to support us. Our sealer was amazing and told us how much he admired us for what we were about to do for Lia, and that with all the tragedy in Haiti right now he couldn't help think of how what was happening today was what Heavenly Father wanted for all of his children. Then it was time for the kiddos to come in. First walked in Jake and he had the cutest look on his face. Both him and Cade ran over to us and climbed up ON our laps. Then they brought in Lia and I could not hold it in any longer. The flood gates opened and I started to sob! I just held her and cried, it was all I could do. We chose my mom to hold Lia at the alter which was such a special thing for me. As we knelt at the altar and Lia was sealed to us my heart was full of so much joy!!! I think I even cried out load which is not cute but it was how I felt at that moment. Cade and Jake stood and watched as there baby sister became part of our Eternal family. Lia was so good throgh the whole thing and didn't make a sound. She just kept looking around at everyone. It really was the best moment of our lives! Life can be so hard but every now and then Heavenly Father gives us something really special to make it all worth it. This was it for us. Having Lia as our daughter is the greatest miracle we could have ever hoped for. After our IVF we had no idea what to do but we never gave up hope and because of that we were blessed. It was a day we will never forget and I am so grateful for a loving Heavenly Father who has made this all possible!!!!!

Time to start blogging again!!!!

Okay so here is the deal. I really need to start blogging again. I love to keep a journal and lately I have not been very good at it. I realized today that blogging really helped me stay on top of my journaling. I think it helps to know that someone else just might want to read what I write. It gives me a little more motivation to do it. AND the fact that I can print it as well......even better. So here is to a new year of blogging/Journaling!!!!!!

So I am going to start my new years resolution by blogging about our awesome day today!!! Today we got to take our sweet little Lia to court and finalize her adoption. I am posting this more as a memory for me but hopefully you will all enjoy reading about our fun day. Lia has been so sick the past few weeks and I was worried thinking about our big day today knowing how miserable she has been. Last night Jon and our neighbor gave her a sweet blessing and I prayed that she would wake up a happier baby today. Last night didn't go so well but today she was awesome. A blessing, antibiotics and LOTS of ibuprofen helped a lot. She was as happy as she could be and perfect through the whole thing. We finalized at the Farmington court house with Judge Alfen. We had an attorney this time which was really nice cause he did all the work and we just answered his questions. The boys for the most part were on their best behavior and were intrigued by the whole thing. Lia sat on my lap and sucked on my hand and slobbered all over, completely unaware this whole day was for her. It was emotional for us and even our attorney got a little choked up when he asked the boys how they felt about their baby sister. The Judge was awesome and treated us like family and told us how lucky Lia was to be going to such a great family. Really we are the lucky ones to have such a sweet daughter. He also knew my dad which was kind of fun. We had lots of our family there which was so neat. It really is something we have been looking forward to for the past 6 months. Now that we have finalized the adoption we get to take our sweet Lia to the temple and have her sealed to us for eternity. THIS is the best part about adoption. I can't even let myself think about it without getting emotional. I could have only dreamt about this. When we decided to do IVF this was one thing I was sad we would not be able to do. It is so amazing to look back now at all that we went through to get Lia here and now she is going to be ours forever!!!! My heart is so full and I am going to leave it at that before I start to cry. Today was such a great day and I can not wait until Sat!!!!!

Horray an update!!!!

Lia is getting so big and is as cute as ever. I LOVE having a girl but it is a lot of pressure to keep her looking cute all the time. Most the time you will find us in our PJ's but every now and then we look cute. Lia is the cutest baby ever and is so much fun right now. The boys are doing great too other than Jake fell out of bed Sun. night at midnight and I had to take him to the ER to have his head glued back together. Thank goodness my mom works there!!! Life is good for our family and we are so excited to share the Holidays with our little Lia. It is a dream come true for us to have her here this Christmas!!! I couldn't wish for anything more, I have all I ever wanted!!! The boys love playing with Lia and she loves them so much!!

The kids had so much fun picking out pumpkins and riding on the hay ride. They even picked out a cute Little pumpkin for Lia. Lia LOVES to sit with Cade and watch cartoons. Cade is such a good big brother and helps me so much with Lia. I LOVE this girl so much. She has been the sweetest baby and is even sleeping for 10hrs a night!!! I think she is so beautiful and LOVE dressing her!! She is such a little miracle and there is not a day that goes by that I am not SOOOO grateful to have her!!!!

MOST AMAZING GIFT EVER!!!!

This has got to be the coolest thing that has ever happened to me. My friend Heidi nominated me for Hailey Miller's give back. Haily is a VERY talented photographer who has done pictures for me in the past. She is giving back to those who have supported her over the years by giving one free photo shoot a month with edited pictures and CD included. It is over a $300.00 gift. Any way Heidi e-mailed her our story and we WON!!! When they called to tell me I had to sit down I was so stinkin excited. With the cost of Lia we are DIRT poor so this is something I would not have been able to do. I am THRILLED with the pictures and so happy that Hailey was able to capture what a miracle this is to our family. I will cherish these pictures for life!!! We will be on her Blog for the August give if you want to check it out at capturesphoto.squarespace.com

LOVE THIS GIRL!!!

We had Amanda over today for a visit with Lia. We had agreed to have her over at one month and we were very excited to see her again. All she asked was to see her at a month and one year, we were more than happy to give that to her. She looked amazing and it was a sweet thing to have her in our home. She stayed for about three hours and it went by so fast. We talked about everything and really had such a sweet spiritual experience with her. We could tell seeing Lia again brought her a lot of peace. Placement day was such a hard day with so many emotions, it was nice to have a more laid back happy day to remember. I just think the world of this girl and can not say enough good things about her. She is starting school in the fall and is enjoying spending time with her kids. Her life has been so hard and I feel so bad for all she has had to go through but we know that the Lord will bless her and her sweet family. She had us listen to these songs today. We both just cried. Anyone who has followed our story or gone through this experience with us knows how hard it has been, BUT also knows the amazing blessings that have come from it. This first song makes me think of each of our birth mothers and what they have done for us and it makes my heart swell with gratitude. They mean so much to us and we are grateful every day the Lord led them to us. I can not express with words how blessed I feel to have these sweet kids call me mom. The journey of Adoption has been the most amazing journey I could have ever asked for and I am so glad Heavenly Father trusted us enough to put us on this path. It is the most humbling experience to sit next to a sweet Birth Mother as she holds your baby and expresses gratitude for you. Amanda is just as grateful for us as we are for her which has made this experience so sweet. My heart is whole again and it feels so good! Every time I look at my sweet little Lia I feel so much peace, love and gratitude!!!!

Lia 2 Weeks

Here is our sweet little Lia at 2 weeks old. I feel sad that I missed out on those first 12 days of her life but we are making up for lost time. Jon had some time off so I have been able to just love on her as much as possible. She is the best baby and hardly ever cries. I love this face she is making. Her eyes look dark but they look like they are going to be blue. This out fit is newborn and the pants still drowned her. I have had so much fun dressing her every day. I thought my boys were fun to dress but this even more fun!!! She makes the cutest faces and we love it when she smiles. She is a peaceful happy baby and we love her so much!! I am in HEAVEN with this sweet baby girl of mine!!!

More pictures of Lia

Jon and I have been through so much together to get thees sweet children here. I am so grateful I have had him right by my side through this journey. We feel so blessed and feel we have accomplished the impossible. Three kids is more than we could have ever hoped for.

I am so grateful to a loving Heavenly Father who has blessed my life! It has not been an easy road but it has been one filled with tender mercys and wonderful blessings!!!

Our parents have done so much for us. We are so lucky to have the most amazing parents two kids could ask for. There faith, love and encouragement has carried us through this journey. THANKS Mom, Dad, Carla and Merrill for your love and support!!!! I just have to say thanks to all of you who have been praying for us and Amanda. We know that the prayers and faith of others can get us through our darkest hours.

OUR LITTLE LIA IS HOME!!!!

WOW, what an emotional, heartrenching, joyful day for our family. Every thing went so well and we are so glad to finally have Lia home with us.

This is Amanda, words can not express our love, admiration, and pure gratitude for this amazing woman who has given us the most incredible gift. Amanda has shown so much faith and strength through this whole process. She is the most amazing person I have ever known and we love her so much.

A LITTLE UPDATE

Just wanted to give a little update on how things are going. I talked to Amanda again today and she is doing amazingly well. We laughed at how this has been the longest week of our lives and the shortest of hers. I LOVE how open and honest we are with each other. She has been so good to us and has reassured us several times this week that she is strong in her decision. She said again today "I hope your still feeling okay because I am"! I mean really how on earth does she have the strength to reassure me when I know it has been so hard for her. Words can not describe the love I feel for Amanda. She has made some bad choices but underneath all that is the most amazing, beautiful, strong, faithful, courageous person I have ever known. I have seen first hand how hard this is for her and yet she is handling it with so much faith and courage. Jon and I know with out a doubt the Lord will bless her for her sacrifice. I want little Lia to always know how much Amanda loved her. I am so grateful for this little miracle that will be in my arms in just a few short days. I feel such a bond and connection with her. I LOVE my boys and just like there is something special between me and the boys there is something amazing between me and her. My only wish is that I could give her a sister but I am not even going to got there!!!! I am so excited to have a little shopping partner. Our family is complete and my heart is so full. Any way I will post pictures on Monday when we get home. Please pray for Amanda, these last few days will be the hardest!!!!

BABY LIA IS HERE!!!!

Well our little Lia came into the world a little sooner than we expected. Amanda (Lia's birth mother) went into the Dr. for a routine check up on Wed. June 24th and was sent right to Davis Hospital for a C-section. She had been having contractions and they were putting a lot of pressure on her incision from her last C-section. Any way the Dr. was worried it might tear so he wanted to take her asap. We were not able to be there but she weighed 6lbs. 8oz. and was 18 inches long. We were a little sad we weren't able to see her be born but we were just glad to hear she was doing okay. She was taken off her ventilator that night and her feeding tube the next day. We got to go see her on Sat. night in the NICU. It was so nice of Amanda to let us see her and be with her in the hospital. Even if it was only for a few minutes. I couldn't help but just cry. It is so incredible to see your baby for the first time. I fell in love with her in that instant and knew she was meant to be our little girl. My heart was full of joy but it also ached as we could tell it was hard for Amanda to see us with her. It also ached because I knew I would not be able to take her home with me. So we held her kissed her and said good bye not knowing when we would get to bring our sweet baby girl home.
Our camera was not working very well so these are bad pictures. I think she is the cutest thing I have ever seen. She only weighs 5lbs. 13oz. now and is the most perfect little thing you have ever seen. Her head is bruised from her IV but other than that she is perfect and beautiful in every way!!! You would think by looking at the picture of me that I just gave birth!!! But nope just emotionally exhausted!!! I Love this little girl and I have only spent 30 minutes with her. Amanda called yesterday to let us know they were both being discharged, which was a miracle considering Lia was 34 weeks 5 day gestation. We were so happy they would be able to leave together. Amanda also informed us she will be taking her home for a WEEK!!! I know what you are thinking, trust me I have been freaking out. Of course I did the only thing I could do....I told her that would be fine and that we supported her decision. Then I got off the phone and cried and cried and cried!!! Amanda had a lot of complications in the hospital and had to have surgery to stop some internal bleeding. She hardly got to spend any time with Lia so now she wants to take her home to have that time with her. What can I say to that. I understand but at the same time it is so hard. My heart is telling me everything is going to be okay but my head is making me freak out. For those of you who get to take your babies home with no strings attached you really don't know how lucky you are. I would give anything to be holding her right now but God has given me a different purpose, and that is to be here for a grieving Birth Mother as she prepares herself to do the hardest thing she will ever do in her life. I truly did not think I had it in me to do this again that is why we did IVF. I have done this twice before and this has by far been the hardest situation yet. I have had to dig deeper than ever before to have faith in Heavenly Fathers plan. Jon and I have both had confirmations that she is ours but it is the hardest thing to rely on someone else to make the right choice. I know our Father in Heaven will help her through this time and that this time next week we will bringing home our bundle of joy. Until then I sit and wait and go absolutely CRAZY!!! I miss her and can't wait to share with her all this love I have for her. Amanda is amazing and we are in awe of her strength and her courage. She needs lots of prayers so remember her when you kneel to pray. Sorry it has taken so long but I wanted to know for sure when she would be here before I posted anything. I know it will all be worth it in the end!!!!! I look at my boys and know with out a doubt I would go through it all again if it meant having them. I feel the same way about Lia, I know she will be worth it!!!

Lia's Baby Shower

My sister-in-laws wanted to give me a shower, since I have two boys and need LOTS of girls stuff I was so excited! . I got so many cute girl things, I couldn't believe it. So many people came to support me and it was so nice of them.

I love this picture of me, my grandma, mom, aunt, nieces, and cousins. My Aunt has 5 daughters and they have been more like sisters to me than cousins. Kassi (second over on the left) is my same age. She is having a little girl in September. How fun to have our girls so close together.

I Love my sweet mom! She is my rock and I am so grateful for her strong faith. I am so grateful to have such sweet loving sister-in -laws and mother-in-law. I think it is rare to have in-laws that you love as much as your own family. They do so much for me and have shown me so much love and support through this whole process of getting our family here. They were so excited to throw me this shower. I am truley blessed to be surrounded by so many amazing people!!

ULTRA SOUND PICTURES OF LIA

So here she is, the sweet little girl that is going to be joining our family in just over 4 weeks. Her Birth Mother was kind enough to give us these pictures. They are from a couple of months ago but it is so fun to have a picture to look at. Since I am not carrying her it is hard to feel like it is real and having these pictures to look at every day will help it seem more real to us. I just cried when I saw this first one of her sweet little profile. She had it in a cute frame for me and it is now sitting on my desk. We just love her so much already!!! I also love the picture of her cute little feet and bum. She has her legs bent and her feet resting on her bum. Are those the cutest little toes or what? We are counting down the weeks until our little Lia gets here. I still have so much to do so I am sure it will go by fast. I have a shower next week and I am so excited for it. Girls really are so much fun!!!

Things are going really good with her Birth Mother. She is a sweet heart and we love her so much. She is still on bed rest but doing really well. She will be 32 weeks this Fri. and they are going to deliver her at 36 weeks. Lia is measuring really big so they are going to take her early as long as her lungs are developed. They will be doing a amniocenteses to make sure and if things look good she will go in for her C-Section. We are so excited to hold her and kiss her sweet face!!!